It's Time to Find a Marriage-Minded Man You Can Trust

Hey, Shana.
 
How long should you date someone to give them time to meet your needs or wants? For example, I'm looking for a man who will pray with me or for me . . . like at a meal time or just as a couple. How long should I give him to meet that need before I remove him from my life? And, if he doesn't do it on his own should I ask him to? You know, we all have a list of things we desire in a mate. Does that make sense?

Thanks, 

Christa
 
Hi, Christa.
 
Thanks for your question. It absolutely makes sense. You ask if you should express your desire. Sure. No one wants to date someone who is sitting back with their checklist and judging that they’re coming up short without communicating what they want.

When two people date—and marry—it’s about both people sharing what they need and learning to serve one another.

No relationship comes perfectly “assembled” from the get-go. 

If you’re interested in a man and care...

I used to think a woman was attracted to a certain type of guy because she has particular preferences. She just happens to like someone tall, someone short, someone dark, someone blonde, someone thin, or someone husky.

Hey, Shana.

I would like to marry someday, but I am honestly afraid to commit. I have quite a complicated history due some dysfunction in my family and I am fearful that I won't be prepared to marry. How do I know I am ready for marriage?

Thanks,

Sophia

Hi, Sophia.

I understand that getting married can be scary. I get it. I've been there. I understand that you want to be prepared because you want to make sure you have a successful relationship. 

Kudos to you for being aware that there could be some things in your history that could cause challenges in marriage. Many people choose to overlook their past or forge ahead without taking it into consideration. Good for you for being aware. 

If you haven't already, I encourage you to get professional guidance and help to understand your upbringing and family dynamics. While I don't understand specifically what you are referring to when you say that there was some "dysfunction"...

This week I've been thinking about my single journey and about some of the decisions I made along the way--and one of those decisions went something like this:  

Imagine there was a gathering at a church for singles. I'd walk in, look around and think, “Well, there's no one here that I'm attracted to.” And I would leave after the night was over and never go back.

Or, maybe a friend would invite me to her house for a get together. I’d walk in, look around and think, “Well, there's no one here that I'm attracted to” and I'd leave without really having any conversations or trying to get to know anyone.

I'm not saying there doesn't have to be some physical attraction, but attraction isn’t just physical. It happens on many levels. It's physical, emotional, spiritual, and intellectual.

But when we immediately only look at the physical and rule someone out based solely on looks or “chemistry” whether it’s in a...