What Your "Type" Says About You

But I never considered that the attractions we have—or the types of men a woman is attracted to--say something deeper about what she feels she needs until I spoke with a woman one afternoon on a free 30-minute coaching call.

"What kind of man are you looking for?" I asked.

"I'm attracted the manly type. You know, " she said, "the guy who is a rancher or a cowboy. I just really like the rugged type.”

I asked her what it was about that kind of man that she found attractive. “I don’t know. . . ” she said. “My dad was like that and I just think those men are super appealing.”

I then invited her to tell me what kind of character traits she thought rugged men possess. “They’re strong” she said.

I imagine the strength she was describing had something to do with the character she perceived a rugged guy would possess. He would be someone who would protect her, lead her, and care for her. 

After talking with her for a few minutes and identifying the inward traits she perceived would be present in a rugged guy, I challenged her and suggested that what she felt a rugged man could provide for her could be also be provided by a guy who works in an office job, or lives in the city. In fact, many types of men could give her what she's looking for:

Real manliness and character are internal, and both have nothing to do with a man's boots.

“Aha!” she said. “Good point.”

I then encouraged her not to rule men out because they didn’t fit her “type.” She could be eliminating some really great, quality men who would be a fantastic fit for her.

Indeed, women can unintentionally or even subconsciously assign certain character traits to men who are handsome, charming, have good jobs, or financially successful in their careers. Perhaps this comes from society or the media.

But it’s not sound thinking to think that if someone earns a great living that they also have great character and would make a good husband, or that because someone is cute, has a nice smile and is charming, that they are kind.

Character is never defined by anything external—or even achievements. Character speaks for itself and it’s revealed over time. Character is something someone does.

So, what is a best dating practice? Date outside your type and even give men the opportunity to get to know you that you wouldn’t have otherwise found interesting. You may find that the guy you desire who would love you, cherish you, and give you the relationship you desire doesn't fit your “type” at all.

The best kind of man to date is the guy who has awesome internal qualities, not just great external qualities. 

Do you have a “type” or a particular kind of guy you are drawn to? What characteristics do you automatically assign to your type? Is your evaluation accurate, or are you assigning internal traits to someone because of external traits? Is there something you think your favorite "type" can give you that another type can't?

I hope this has helped and encouraged you!