How Do I Know If I Am Ready for Marriage?

Hey, Shana.

I would like to marry someday, but I am honestly afraid to commit. I have quite a complicated history due some dysfunction in my family and I am fearful that I won't be prepared to marry. How do I know I am ready for marriage?

Thanks,

Sophia

Hi, Sophia.

I understand that getting married can be scary. I get it. I've been there. I understand that you want to be prepared because you want to make sure you have a successful relationship. 

Kudos to you for being aware that there could be some things in your history that could cause challenges in marriage. Many people choose to overlook their past or forge ahead without taking it into consideration. Good for you for being aware. 

If you haven't already, I encourage you to get professional guidance and help to understand your upbringing and family dynamics. While I don't understand specifically what you are referring to when you say that there was some "dysfunction" in your family, coming to terms with it and healing from it as much as possible is important.

That said, I want to encourage you that you don't have to be emotionally perfect to marry.

It's not necessary that you tackle every problem from your past before you tie the knot. We are all imperfect, whether single or married. And if you're an older single over 30, you likely have some emotional baggage. 

Also, keep in mind that the tools for a successful relationship often don’t show up until you are married. What I mean is, you won't learn how to negotiate particular marital issues until marriage. 

A teacher can read all the books in the world on how to motivate students, but until she steps in the classroom, it's all theory. A young woman can prepare all she can for parenting, but until she has her own baby, she can't entirely understand what it means to be a mother. And, you won't be entirely ready for marriage before marriage. Granted, you do want some level of emotional health. That's where getting some good counseling comes in--and I suggest that every couple should get some premarital counseling before tying the knot. But you can't ever be prepared enough to eliminate risk from relationship.

All love is a risk and recognizing this risk is a good sign that you are ready to love.  

The biggest sign that you are ready for marriage is that you--and the person you are considering marrying--are ready to serve one another. And, you are willing to commit to one another for life and stay the course, no matter how you feel. (There are exceptions to this--such as marital unfaithfulness--but that's another topic.)

If you are ready to serve, to commit, and ready to practice selfless love in a family unit, you're ready to marry. Granted, there are practicalities that are good to get in line before you say, "I do," such as getting out of debt, but even those practicalities are wrapped up in the desire to serve. If we love and care for another person, we will want to do what we can practically to love them. 

I hope that helps!