It's Time to Find a Marriage-Minded Man You Can Trust

Hi, Shana.

I want to increase my opportunities to find a mate. I feel I should be more open to men I may not find the most attractive at first, because there may be an opportunity for attraction to grow. If I’m not immediately attracted to a man, I have a hard time communicating with him or going out with him. How do I overcome this as I am aware that I could be missing out on some potentials.

Miss Attraction

If you're afraid or hesitant to date again, this Checklist will help you assess your relational readiness. Click here for the free checklist.

Hi, Miss A.

This is a great question and an important one because attraction can be confusing. The first way to begin being more open so you don’t miss out on a good man who could be your Mister, is to change your perspective about how a good relationship can develop.

To help with a this change of perspective, here are some questions to honestly ask yourself.

• What is it that I hope to quickly feel when I first...

Have you ever felt that you want a relationship but you're just not attracted to any men? This can be frustrating, especially when it doesn't make sense why there aren't any men that interest you. 

If you can relate, I want to give you a few reasons why can happens to even the best women, and some things that you can do about it.

DOWNLOAD MY FREE GUIDE: THE ARE YOU READY TO DATE CHECKLIST

Excuses, Excuses

The first point to address is that you might subconsciously be leading with something that's not working to move you toward a relationship. There are some things that people lead with – and both women and men do this – that don't help to foster a relationship and can make them feel like they're not attracted to a person:

• A list
• A feeling
• A type or
• An outcome

Your Mental Checklist

Sometimes when you go out on a date or first meet someone, you may have a list in your mind of attributes you desire in a partner. Then, on the date, your brain starts...

Sometimes a woman will ask me, “How do I tell a man I’m not interested?” Women often ask this question because they believe saying no is unkind. If you feel this way, I want to invite you to reframe your perspective.

In actuality, saying no is not the ultimate unkindness. Not saying no is the ultimate unkindness.

Why would not rejecting someone be unkind? Because when we don't say no and we're not direct, it keeps the guy wondering. He might retain some level of hope, like “Well, maybe she's going to change her mind, or maybe she's going to start being interested in me.”

Sometimes we just kind of breadcrumb him and talk to him when he calls, but not really give him too much attention, in hopes that maybe he'll get the message without us saying what we need to say to just reject him outright.

This is what is unkind.

It’s also unkind if we fall off the face of the earth and he doesn't know what happened, because it's going to leave him...

Hi, Single Lady!

This month, my group coaching program members are taking a special class with me called, "How to Talk to Men." Today, my husband joined me to talk about men and their feelings. 

If you've ever wanted a special man in your life to talk about his emotions and you haven't known how to get him to open up, this video from "How to Talk to Men" is definitely for you. 

My husband chimes in to share the wrong way--and right way--to communicate with a man about how he feels. 

I'm rooting for you! 

Your dating and relationship coach, 

Shana

I wish I had a manual for dating and relationships when I was younger. If I had known how to date productively, it would have literally saved me years of time, confusion, and heartache.

In particular, it could have spared me from waiting for men who weren’t interested in me.

Occasionally, I’ll talk with an amazing single woman who wants to marry, and she has her heart set on a particular guy.

Maybe they talk sometimes and when they do, he’s friendly.

Maybe she texts him occasionally and he texts back, but he doesn’t initiate much—if at all.

Maybe they stand around after work and chat.

He’s always nice. He’s kind.

But he’s not clearly showing her he’s interested.

And all the while, she’s wishing and hoping that he’ll make a real move toward her. And in the meantime, she’s looking for little signs that he likes her.

She notices he smiles at her when she walks by his desk at work.

He asks if...

Maybe you’re asking, “Really? Are words that big of a deal to men?”

Yes, they are a really big deal because the words you use can convey respect to a man—or not—and respect is a core need for men.

Men (Capital M.E.N) have the desire to protect and care for their woman. They want to be seen as competent. They want to be seen as the hero. And, the words you use with your man will either reaffirm that he is your hero and that you really respect him. Or, if you use the wrong words, you will show him that you don’t respect him, and--much to your demise—you will tear down your relationship.

Listen up. This is really important: If a woman doesn’t know how to use words to show respect to a man, she will repel him instead of draw him to her.

In this post, I want to...

Hi, Single Over 30 Lady!

In my last post, I shared about Debra who falls too fast for emotionally unavailable men, pursues them, and then they leave.

And, I shared why she makes the mistake of chasing me and giving her heart away to them when they haven’t proven they are worthy of her affection: she believes the lie that men won’t pursue women, even if the men are interested.

I also said that today I would share 10 dangerous reasons women fall for men too fast. Can you relate to one or more of these reasons.

1. Chemistry. Research shows that the brain actually changes when someone feels like they are "in love.” In fact, it’s been compared to being under the influence of cocaine. It’s that strong!

Some women have a particular “type” and when they meet a man who meets their vision of their dream guy, they quickly fall “in love” because of the influence of chemistry. This emotional high will wear off, of course, so...

Debra has gotten her heart broken by numerous men, so she reached out to me for help. She said she wanted coaching because she noticed a pattern in her dating life: she would meet a man, immediately fall for him, and then he would leave her.

Initially, he might give her enough emotional attention to make her think he was really interested. But then after months of playing a dating “cat and mouse game,” he would finally pull away for good and she would get hurt.

“I get attached really fast. I’m very loyal. When I give my heart away, I give it all. There’s no middle ground for me,” she said. Debra believes it’s a good thing, to be “all in” with a man—and it is.

At the right time.

But when a woman chases a man by sharing how she feels too soon before he has shown he is genuinely interested, when she calls or texts or shows up at his house when he hasn’t given signs of interest, when she tries to push the...