10 Dangerous Reasons Women Fall in Love Too Fast

Hi, Single Over 30 Lady!

In my last post, I shared about Debra who falls too fast for emotionally unavailable men, pursues them, and then they leave.

And, I shared why she makes the mistake of chasing me and giving her heart away to them when they haven’t proven they are worthy of her affection: she believes the lie that men won’t pursue women, even if the men are interested.

I also said that today I would share 10 dangerous reasons women fall for men too fast. Can you relate to one or more of these reasons.

1. Chemistry. Research shows that the brain actually changes when someone feels like they are "in love.” In fact, it’s been compared to being under the influence of cocaine. It’s that strong!

Some women have a particular “type” and when they meet a man who meets their vision of their dream guy, they quickly fall “in love” because of the influence of chemistry. This emotional high will wear off, of course, so actually taking time to get to know a man is a very good—and wise—idea. 

2. Fear of rejection or abandonment. If a woman fears abandonment or rejection, she may emotionally attach to a man too quickly in the hope that he won't leave and that she can prove she is worthy of being loved and accepted.

3. Ignoring red flags. When a woman deeply desires love and meets a man she is attracted to, she may push aside red flags and fall for a man fast. If she did give those red flags a voice, it would cause her to slow down and take her time.

4. Hating being alone. I know first-hand that loneliness can be really difficult. And, being tired of carrying life’s responsibilities singly can be tough, too. Either perspective can cause even the best woman to throw caution to the wind and jump in with both feet to a relationship because she wants to be rescued. 

5. Guilt about not being exclusive. If a woman feels guilty about going out with more than one man at the beginning of a relationship, it can cause her to skip over the important acquaintance and friendship stages that create a solid foundation for a romantic relationship.

If you feel guilty about keeping your options open at the beginning of a relationship, you are being unfair to yourself. Take your time and get to know a man. You’ll be glad you did.

6. Imagining he’s the perfect guy. When a woman first meets a man she is attracted to, and she is excited about a relationship, she may "fill in the blanks” of who he is by imagining he is the perfect guy for her. This can cause her to fall fast and hard. The problem is that she knows little about him. 

Rather than paint a man into your perfect match at the beginning of a relationship, it would be better to think, "I just met this man. I don't really know him. Although I am highly attracted, I also better listen to my brain because I still have a lot more to discover about who he truly is.”

7. Being addicted to the feeling of being "in love." This is related to my first point, but some women believe that if they have strong emotions or strong sexual attraction for a man, that it's proof that a relationship is good or has potential. This can cause women to emotionally “jump in” without more proof of compatibility or friendship.

8. Trusting too quickly. Many of the wonderful women I coach are empathetic. They don’t want to make tough judgments about the men they meet because they feel as if they are being unkind. They like seeing the best in everyone. They may even believe that love conquers all. So, they might give a man more emotional commitment at the beginning of a relationship than they should.

9. Love Bombing. Some men come on strong and if a woman is craving attention or validation to feel good about herself, she may fall for a man who tells her she is amazing, covers her in compliments, buys her nice things, or heavily pursues her and tells her she’s the one for him. Meaning, he comes on strong and quickly “love bombs” her. A wise woman knows to take her time in getting to know a man before she gives her heart away. That way she can tell if he is sincere or not.

10. Ignoring relational stages. Our culture has caused both men and women to believe in love at first sight, just like the movies. You’re supposed to meet, fall in love, and get married. Just. like. that. When a woman forgets that healthy relationships take time to develop, believes in love at first sight or in “soul mates,” she may skip over important stages in getting to know a man because she believes a relationship is meant to be. And, if it’s meant to be, then why not fall hard and fast?

Don’t get me wrong. I believe in love. That said, I have coached numerous women have been devastated because they gave their hearts away quickly and didn’t take time to get to know a man.

To sum up all of this, if I could name the motivations behind getting attached too quickly, they would be: fear, lust, anxiety, guilt, insecurity, loneliness, naivete, and just being plain starry-eyed.

I know it’s difficult not to get swept away with emotion when you’re really interested and chemistry is at work. That said, there is absolutely nothing bad that can come from taking your time before you give your heart away.

Remember, the dream you have to love--and be loved--is possible! 

Your dating and relationship coach, 

Shana Schutte