Should You Wait for Him or Move On?

I wish I had a manual for dating and relationships when I was younger. If I had known how to date productively, it would have literally saved me years of time, confusion, and heartache.

In particular, it could have spared me from waiting for men who weren’t interested in me.

Occasionally, I’ll talk with an amazing single woman who wants to marry, and she has her heart set on a particular guy.

Maybe they talk sometimes and when they do, he’s friendly.

Maybe she texts him occasionally and he texts back, but he doesn’t initiate much—if at all.

Maybe they stand around after work and chat.

He’s always nice. He’s kind.

But he’s not clearly showing her he’s interested.

And all the while, she’s wishing and hoping that he’ll make a real move toward her. And in the meantime, she’s looking for little signs that he likes her.

She notices he smiles at her when she walks by his desk at work.

He asks if she’s going to a particular meet up.

He tells her that she looks nice.

But he still hasn’t made a clear move in her direction, asked her out, or communicated that he is interested.

She’s been responsive, encouraged him to pursue her by how she acts around him, and maybe she’s even let him know that she likes him.

But the problem is that she’s invested all of her emotional affection in him, and he hasn’t done the same for her.

Some women wonder how long you should wait for a man like this, a man who isn’t interested, might be interested, or clearly isn’t interested. How long should you wait for a guy who hasn’t given you the green light letting you know that he really wants to get to know you better?

The answer to that question is simple: Don’t wait at all.

As long as a woman is reserving her affections for Mr. Might, her heart isn’t open for Mr. Right. 

And, she could even miss a man who could be a good match when he comes along.

I get it. It’s difficult not to wait and sit around hoping for him to call because you’re so interested, because you think that he’s the right one, or you believe there aren’t any good men out there. But this is the wrong approach. It’s tormenting. And, it leads to non-productive dating that just wastes your time.

I’ve talked with awesome women who have spent years hoping that a particular man will finally come around, that he’ll finally show genuine interest instead of bread crumbing her or giving her just enough attention to keep her attention.

The best thing you can give to yourself in dating is clarity and clarity comes when you decide that you won’t set aside your affections for a man who hasn’t set aside his affections for you.

When you remember that you have such value that you don’t need to wait for a man who isn’t pursuing you, you’ll experience a lot more peace. Believe me. I’ve been there.

You’re worth being loved well. You’ve been created to be loved this way. Don’t forget it.

Your dating and relationship coach, 

Shana