When You're Anxious About First Dates

First dates can be nerve wracking, especially if you’re shy, if you have had some relationships that ended poorly, if you feel like you don’t know how to date, or if you’re anxious about a date working out. 

First dates can also be frustrating if they go poorly. After all, you’d really like to meet a trustworthy, marriage-minded man. 

There are two positive actions you can take that will help when you're anxious about first dates, or if a first date goes badly.

To relieve first date jitters, re-frame your experience.

Rather than think of a first date as a period of time when you will find out if a man is “the one,” think of it as an adventure in learning about another human being. You’re just there to have a good time—and hopefully make a new friend. If it turns into something down the road, great. If not, thankfully, he is not the last man on earth.

Letting go of the need to control the outcome of the date will relieve pressure you may feel. Rather than thinking you should instantly find love, you’ll be able to relax more and enjoy the dating process.

View bad first dates as learning opportunities.

Next, if a date goes badly, or even if you know fairly quickly that you won’t go further in a relationship with a particular guy (perhaps because you notice some big red flags), think of it as a learning opportunity.

Now you have even more tools in your dating toolbox. You’re a wiser woman. That’s a win!

If a date doesn’t go well, rather than immediately call your best friend and tell her how horrible it was, or complain that it was a wasted evening, tell her what you learned, how comical it was, or the lessons you’ll take into relational future.

Focus on what is good, and of a good report. No experience is ever wasted when you have the right perspective.

I know first hand that it’s easy to get discouraged, especially because prolonged singleness can be painful and disappointing.

That said, if you have had a date or a string of horrible dates that didn’t lead to a romantic relationship, don’t shut down your heart.

One, two, five or twenty bad dates—or even some bad relationships—do not your permanent relationship status make.

I know this from personal experience. Just when I was swirling in disappointment, thinking I would never marry and was about to give up, my awesome husband showed up.

Keep your heart open, friend.

You might be right around the corner from meeting that special man—and you want to be emotionally open, not cynical, hardened, or defensive. Having a happy heart is attractive.

I hope this has been helpful and encouraging.

Remember, the dream you have to love—and be loved—is possible.

P.S. Also remember that your relationship status does not define your value. You have value whether you are single or married.