5 Ways to Tell If a Man is a Safe Date (and avoid Mr. Wrong)

Hey there, Single Lady!

Welcome, welcome to another episode of the Single Over 30 podcast episode! 

When I was single, I had a pattern I repeated several times: I allowed men into my life who weren't emotionally safe.

Why would I do such a thing? Well, there are lots of reasons, such as I didn't want to be judgmental, I didn't trust myself to make a good choice (because of a broken past relationship), and because I didn't know how to recognize a safe date.

If I did know how, I would have been more equipped to date well and avoid unproductive dating that wasn’t getting me anywhere close to the wedding altar. Plus that would have saved me tons of heartbreak.

Maybe you can relate. Be encouraged!

You don't have to shut down your heart out of self-protection or decide you'll never love again because you fear choosing the wrong mate. Instead, you can become equipped to choose well, and when you become equipped, you'll feel more empowered to make a good decision.

And that’s what we’re going to talk about on today’s episode when I give you 5 truths to help you recognize a safe date (and avoid Mr. Wrong). That’s the guy who will just break your heart and won’t be good to you or for you.

I want to invite you to get a freebie from me. It’s 25 Red Flags You Don’t Want to Miss. It will be big help as you navigate meeting new men. And, just one of the 25 things on this list could help you avoid a bunch-o heartache. (I’m speaking from experience.)

Get it here.

A safe date will respect your boundaries.

[3:33]

In their book, Safe People, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend describe boundaries as spiritual and emotional "property lines."

These invisible lines help us define which things are our responsibility and which are another person's. It also helps us to know when the emotional or physical line has been crossed.

If you don’t know what your boundaries are, you won’t know when they have been stepped over, or stepped on and that can cause you to allow the wrong men into your life and to stay in your life.

Sooo as a big encouragement, make sure you define your boundaries before you get in a relationship and even before you start dating.

To do so, check out Episode 58 in Season 1: How to Define Your Boundaries (a new perspective)

Next, a safe date will not treat you like a child.

[7:00]

If you're in a parent-child relationship, think again before you continue in it. Healthy relationships are characterized by people who relate as equal adults.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t sometimes have fun. My husband and I totally connect on a silly level and act like kids sometimes. But we also relate as adults and respect one another.

Next, a safe date will forgive you, not condemn you.

[9:33]

If your date has a penchant at holding things against others or seems to have a bitter spirit, he or she won't magically exclude you after you say “I do.”

This is why I so often encourage single women to take their time in getting to know a man. There is a honeymoon period in every relationship and when this wears off we see one another for who we really are. At the beginning of a relationship, both men and women often idealize one another.

A safe date is responsible.

[11:25]

Remember that a man is like a pie with many parts. He may be charming, handsome, and he may share your values in other areas, but if he isn’t responsible, he won’t make a good mate. You’ll end up resenting him for not putting you first putting burdens on you.

A safe date admits their faults, rather than blames others.

[13:40]

Emotional intimacy is key to a thriving, growing love, and it is difficult to feel safe when there's no expectation of empathy or when the person you are with can’t ever admit they are wrong.

I want to remind you. . .you aren’t looking for the perfect man. You are looking for a man who in general possesses the wonderful qualities of respect, patience, kindness, responsibility, and humility . . all that good stuff.

Listen—and learn more--on Apple Music:  https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1555536184

Schedule a free, 15-minute coaching Discovery Session to find out if dating and relationship coaching is right for you: https://calendly.com/shanaschutte/15-minute-discovery-session