Is He Into You and Also Marriage Minded?

Like many single women, there are moments when you may long for a man to hold you. You may want to be protected, adored, and cared for. (And, there's nothing wrong with that. You have been created for relationship.)

And, like every woman who wants to tie the knot, you want a marriage-minded man you can trust.

I get it. I always wanted to say “I do,” but as the end of my childbearing years approached in my late thirties and early forties, my longing for marriage grew—and that longing led me to entertain relationships with men I shouldn’t have. 

I ended up wasting time in what I call “cul-de-sac relationships” with guys who had no intention of "putting a ring on it" but who took me in relational circles. 

This is something I see many single women do—and I don’t want it to happen to you, that’s why I’d like to share the following story.

*Kellie is 43 and wants to marry. Over a six-month period, she met a couple men at work, one at church, and a few online, but there was one who stood out from the rest.

John was a pediatrician, which Kellie loved because she has a soft spot for kids. John also made her laugh, and shared her values and interests.

John checked all of Kellie’s important boxes, and not long after they met online, he told her he wanted to date her exclusively.

But then two big problems emerged.

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 John said he wasn’t ready to let his family, friends, or co-workers know he was seeing someone. He didn’t want to have to answer questions about his personal life. But he said he would announce their relationship in a few months.

Kellie was disappointed, but held on to the hope that John would eventually announce her as his girlfriend.  

John was also very busy. He told Kellie he didn’t have much time to get together, but said that when his life slowed down, he would like to see her more often.

In reality, Kellie hardly ever saw him or talked to him. But because she liked John a lot, she kept hoping things would change. She felt desperate for his affection and attention. Six months passed, and John called things off, saying that he just wasn’t “feeling it.” 

Kellie was heartbroken. Unfortunately, she spent precious time in a committed, desperate-dating relationship with a man who never had any real intention toward her. How do I know this?

Because a man who is marriage-minded is intentional about his dating life.

He’s intentional because he wants to find a wife. He won’t want to waste time in relationships that aren’t going anywhere.

And, when he is interested in a particular woman, he will be thinking about how he can fit her into his lifestyle because he wants to woo her—and maybe even keep her.

He won’t be looking for all he reasons why he doesn’t have time for her. 

He will be looking for ways to make a relationship work, not for reasons why it won't work.

Action reveals intention, just as a lack of action reveals a lack of intention. 

A marriage-minded man who is interested in you won’t give you crumbs. He won’t tell you he is interested in you and interested in getting to know you, but show you otherwise.

Additionally, a marriage-minded man, who is genuinely interested in you will want to introduce you to his family and friends at the appropriate time. He will be excited to share about you with others. 

What should Kellie have done so she didn’t get stuck in the “dating cul-de-sac” with a man who truly didn’t truly have any intentions toward her?

When she discovered he didn’t have time for her, and that he wanted to keep her hidden from the people who were close to him, she should have told him that she really liked him but that she wanted to be in relationship with someone who really wanted to be with her.

She could say that if he ever decided that he was serious about getting to know her—and serious about getting serious with someone—to let her know. Until then, they shouldn’t date.

That way Kellie wouldn't have wasted her time and emotions on a man who was not intentional about her. And, she would be available for men who may genuinely be interested in her.

If Kellie set this boundary, it would not only serve her, but also serve John. Staying with him would be unkind. 

If a man is telling you he doesn’t have time for you (or his actions are showing he doesn’t have time for you) or he isn’t interested in letting others know about you, it’s time to step back and take a look at your relationship. Are you stuck in a “dating cul-de-sac?” If so, it’s time to toss aside desperate dating and set some boundaries. You’re worth it. 

You can choose well. You can recognize a marriage-minded man.

Remember, every minute you’re with Mr. Wrong, you’re not with Mr. Right.

You're worthy of love. 

Many blessings,