How to Stop Feeling Awkward Around Men

Hi, Shana.

There’s a guy I like that I keep running into around town. I’ve seen him at the bookstore, the coffee shop, and I’ve run into him on a local hiking trail a couple times.

He’s really handsome, fit, and I think he’s super attractive. But whenever I see him, I feel like a bumbling idiot. I can’t talk. Sometimes I just ignore him because I am so nervous.

How do I get past feeling like I don’t measure up and that he wouldn’t be interested in me so I can actually have a conversation with him?

Thanks,

Sarah

Hi, Sarah.

My guess is that when you’re around your good friends and family, that you feel relaxed and confident. You might even say you are fun and charming. But then, enter Mister Handsome, and it’s a totally different story.

I get it. I’ve been there.

Here is a mindset shift you can embrace so you don’t—as you say—feel like a “bumbling idiot” whenever you see this guy.

Remember that this man is a person and all people are made up of four dimensions:  

Physical

Emotional

Spiritual and

Mental

You say you like this man but the reality is that you don’t know if you like him because you don’t know him.

You’ve only experienced his physicality, which according to the above dimensions is just 25 percent of him. There’s a whole lot you don’t know about this man, friend.  

When our daughters were growing up, they would sometimes point out a young woman and ask my husband, “Dad, do you think she’s pretty?” to which my husband would reply, “I have no idea. I don’t know her.”

Your Mister Handsome could be. . .

Kind or inconsiderate
Patient or impatient
Responsible or stuck in adolescence
Happy or miserable
Considerate or controlling
Manipulative or understanding
Humble or egocentric

I encourage you to make a list of  the character traits you want in a man. For example, you may desire someone who is kind, patient, responsible, and devoted.  

Character qualities can only be discovered as you get to know the other 75 percent of a guy.

When you keep in mind that there is a whole lot you don’t know about Mr. Handsome, it will keep you from idealizing him based on his looks alone.  And, it will keep you from elevating him above you in your mind. This will help you relax when he crosses your path.

There is definitely more to books—and men—than their covers.

Remember, you are worthy of love.

Your dating and relationship coach,
Shana

P.S. If you haven't snagged your free, no-strings attached 30-minute coaching session with me, save your spot on my calendar now. https://www.shanaschuttecoaching.com/