How to Get What You Want Without Ruling Out Quality Men

Often when I coach women, they tell me what they want in a man. They want a guy who attends their denomination, who shares a particular hobby, or likes to travel. They’ve got this—or that—on their list.

There’s nothing wrong with having a list of traits you’d like in a man. However, if you forget one important truth that I want to share with you, it can cause you to rule out some really great men who could make a great mate.

And this one important truth is. . .

Relationships are like Legos; they don’t come assembled out of the box. Just like you build Legos, you build a life with a man.

Let’s say you meet a man who doesn’t have a particular compatibility trait that’s on your list. You love to snow ski and you want a man who loves it too. Or, maybe you really enjoy traveling and he hasn’t done much of it at all.

If you keep in mind that relationships are like Legos, rather than think, “He’s not a good match for me,” you remember that the lives of two people blend together as a man and woman get to know one another and as friendship and love grow.

A man who doesn’t ski may learn to ski and enjoy it. That man who doesn’t like to travel may decide that he likes it after meeting you.

You’re looking for a man whose life will blend with yours. (And you want to be willing to blend with his, too. This is the give and take of relationship. Love is about serving one another.) Two people who build a life together often find new common interests.

I have talked with women who have immediately ruled a particular man on compatibility traits that can change or that have little to do with the foundations of love such as kindness, respect, friendship, and mutual concern. Don't be this kind woman. It doesn't serve you well.

I once spoke with a woman who mentioned that a man was interested in her, but she said he didn’t like to ride horses like she did. Perhaps that man never had a chance to learn to love horses. Perhaps she would find that he would expand her interests and give her joy in other areas, too.

Before I met my husband, I didn't snow ski, but I always wanted to marry a man who would draw me into his world and introduce me to new adventures. Since we tied the knot, I’ve been making my way down snow-covered peaks, and even made it down some expert runs this year! (You’re never too old.)

I’ve gone parasailing, and ATV-ing, skydiving, snowmobiling, and have tried all manner of outdoor activities that I would have never done before I met my husband—and it has been an absolute joy for me! It’s not that I didn’t ever want to do those things. I just needed someone to do them with and show me the ropes. My husband was that person.

Don’t look for a man who has everything in common with you. Look for someone you like whose life you can blend with. Marry your friend.

That said, please don’t misunderstand me. This doesn’t mean you should overlook important character traits. These are different than compatibility traits or interests. Trustworthiness, kindness, respectfulness, and responsibility are critical. You shouldn’t ever try to change his character. That’s his job.

But when it comes to compatibility traits that can alter such as where a man lives, if he attends your church, or if he wants to live in the country, don’t rule a man out just because he isn’t your perfect fit. You never know. You may meet a man and find out that you both like one another so much that you want to blend into one another’s lives.

Relationships are like Legos.

Every relationship involves making changes, flexing, and blending—and that’s the beauty of love.

If you haven't signed yet up to get your free coaching session with me, I invite you to do that. There are no strings attached. I'll spend at least 30 minutes with you helping you overcome your biggest dating or relationship obstacle.

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