How Important is Compatibility in a Relationship?

There’s a lot of talk out there that two people must be compatible for a relationship to last.

But how important is it in a relationship? 

In his book The Meaning of Marriage, Timothy Keller provides a solid perspective about this topic. I hope it enlightens you are single and are looking to meet--and marry--that special someone. 

“If you think of marriage largely in terms of erotic love, then compatibility means sexual chemistry and appeal. If you think of marriage largely as a way to move into the kind of social status in life you desire, then compatibility means being part of the desired social class, and perhaps common tastes and aspirations for lifestyle. The problem with these factors is that they are not durable.

Physical attractiveness will wane, no matter how hard you work to delay its departure. And socio-economic status unfortunately can change almost overnight. When people think they have found compatibility based on these things, they often make the painful discovery that they have built their relationship on unstable ground. A woman ‘lets herself go’ or a man loses his job, [or vice-versa] and the compatibility foundation falls apart.”

When the above things happen a person’s sense of relational compatibility may be crushed and they may not feel the rush of love they experienced earlier in their relationship. They won’t be driven by strong feelings of love to do mundane acts of love. They may even be deceived into thinking that what they are experiencing is not love because they aren’t overcome with moving emotion. If this happens, they have obviously failed to understand the truth about love: love sometimes involves moving emotions and sometimes it does not. Most often, love is not something you feel but something you do. Then, when you do love, you will often feel love. Where your actions are, there your heart will be. This is truth that can help relationships withstand any changes in compatibility.

How do you define compatibility? Are the ways you define compatibility changeable? If you marry and the things you defined as compatible did change, would your relationship still be strong?

Don't build the foundation of your relationship on changeable traits. Build it on those things that don't change such as commitment, loyalty and faithfulness.