How Boundaries Can Help You Get the Love You Want

I met Steve in a local bookstore. He struck up a conversation with me in the biography section, and within minutes, he asked me out. I’d been really hurt from a bad breakup eight years before and my heart was locked up so tight no one could get in. But because I wanted to be open and let my wall down for a new, quality man, I said “yes.” 

Steve and I went out a few times and he said he felt we were meant to be together. I didn’t share his affection, but—as I mentioned—I wanted to be open, so rather than set a good boundary and tell him I wasn’t ready to exclusively date, I said “okay.” 

After seeing Steve for four months, he was often irritable and impatient—and he yelled at me now and then. But because I didn’t trust myself to make a good relationship decision after my breakup and because I was afraid of messing things up like I felt I had done in the past, I allowed Steve to set the pace for our relationship, and I allowed him to stay in my life when I should have cut him loose. 

So, I spent three miserable years in a non-productive, unhealthy dating relationship that was never going to go anywhere but downhill. 

This is what I see happen with a lot of wonderful single women I coach. 

They date men they shouldn’t because they’re afraid. 

Afraid of being alone. 

Afraid they’re not good enough to be loved. 

Afraid of being rejected. 

Afraid of making a bad decision. 

Afraid of hurting a man’s feelings. 

Afraid of missing out on a good opportunity. 

Just afraid. 

So, just like I did, they ignore red flags—and sabotage their love lives. 

I coach numerous women who are stuck—or have been stuck—in non-productive, unhealthy, going-nowhere relationships. Even though they say they want to marry, they are dating—or often date—men who are not good to them or for them. 

These awesome women are often empathetic, compassionate, and don’t want to be too harsh, unkind, or be judgmental. 

They may also believe that if they love a man enough that he’ll change, that if they are patient enough, he’ll become the man they desire. They fail to realize that they can never change a man. His change is his job. And, the problem with not having good boundaries is that you’ll get exactly what you don’t want. 

When I was a teacher, one of my colleagues said something interesting to me while I was dating Steve:“The minute you settle for less than what you want is the minute you’ll get more than you bargained for.”

Wow. So very true. 

If I could go back and talk to my single self, I would say, “Girl, you deserve better than a man that yells at you. His behavior and his change is his responsibility and you aren’t going to fix him no matter how nice you are, no matter how compassionate or kind. You can handle another breakup. You can make a good decision. You can recognize red flags. You are seeing them now. You’ll feel a lot better after letting him go. If you let go, you can make room for a man who will be good to you and good for you. Cut him loose.”

If you are serious about marrying, one of the best things you can do is set boundaries from the beginning of the relationship so you can keep out the men who aren’t a good choice, and let in the men who are. 

Remember, awesome single woman . . . every minute you’re with Mister Wrong, you’re not with Mister Right. 
If you can relate to anything I have shared, if you want to find a lasting, fulfilling relationship and you feel you have some dating patterns that you just can’t seem to move past. . . 

If you feel that you let men into your life that you shouldn’t . . .

Or, if you aren’t sure how to get from where you are to “I do,” I’d love to talk with you. 

Just click here to set up a free, no-strings attached, 30-minute Breakthrough Session with me. I’ll help you breakthrough at least one of your biggest dating or relationship obstacles. 

I look forward to talking with you soon! 

Your dating and relationship coach, 

Shana

P.S. I only have a limited number of spots available, so go ahead and click to set up your time now.