Is He Giving You Mixed Signals? How to Tell If He's Really Interested

Hi, Shana. 

There’s a man I like. We work together and after work we often spend time talking for a few minutes. One night we chatted for an hour or so but he never followed up by asking me out like I hoped he would. 

I thought maybe I wasn’t making it clear that I like him, so I sent him several texts afterward hoping that he would pick up on my interest. He responded, but he still hasn’t ever texted or called me to ask me out. 

I’m confused because if I text him, he responds, and he’ll stand around and talk to me after work, but he has yet to ask me on a date. Now I feel like I’m emotionally attached. What do I do? 

Tina

Hi, Tina.

This can be difficult when you feel as if a man is sending you mixed signals. This guy is talking with you, but not moving the dating or relationship ball down the field. What you need is clarity so you can keep your heart from getting more entangled. 

The way you get clarity isn’t by texting or calling him more. It’s not by asking him how he feels about you. It’s by stepping back. It’s by not hitting the “relationship tennis ball” to him again until he has shown that he is interested. 

Here’s what I mean. 

In the beginning, when a man and woman are getting to know one another, a relationship is like tennis. One person hits the “relationship tennis ball” over the net to the other person, and they hit it back. But that’s not what is happening in your situation. 

Instead, you’ve been hitting and hitting the ball to him when you text. You need to stop doing this. To get clarity, you need to stop initiating communication with him. 

If you are always “hitting the relationship ball” you won’t ever know how he feels. Your action is confusing you and isn’t providing you with the clarity you need. It’s keeping your heart tangled up in knots—and you deserve better than that. 

This doesn’t mean you ignore him. It simply means you stop trying to move the relationship to the next level. Instead, continue to be welcoming and warm so to invite him to pursue you. 

​​This means you smile when you see him. Lightly touch him on the shoulder. Compliment him. Sure, talk with him and be your winsome self, but stop texting. That's a next-level activity in the relationship. Don’t tell him how you feel. Don't ask him if he is interested. Don’t call. 

Women make the mistake of trying too hard to move the relationship forward. If a man is interested, he will initiate when she encourages him to initiate. 

Sometimes a woman will make excuses for a man for why he isn’t responding. She says he’s too shy, or that he’s afraid of a relationship so she needs to be more forthright.  She thinks she needs to draw him out by texting, calling, or even telling him how she feels. 

No, she doesn’t. All she needs to do is be warm and welcoming, friendly, and responsive. 

A man who is really interested and is ready for a relationship will eventually make it clear that he is interested. He will want to make sure you know how he feels about you. Don’t do his job of pursuing, or it will make you feel confused and insecure. 

Step back and stop hitting the relationship ball. When you do, his action—or lack of action—will give you the clarity you need. But if you keep pursuing him, it will keep your heart hurting, longing, and tied up in knots. 

I hope this helps. Remember, the dream you have to love—and be loved—is possible! And, you are worth a man who sees your value and thinks you are an amazing prize. 

Your dating and relationship coach, 

Shana