4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 (Part 4) + FREE COACHING

What do you do when you feel like you're not enough. . . not enough for love, not enough for a man to respect you, not enough for a man to be loyal. . .just not enough?

Today I want to talk about how this belief can negatively affect your love life—and also what to do about it so you can improve your opportunities to find a trustworthy, marriage-minded man. 

This is the 4^th topic in my series, “4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020.”

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I often hear the single women I coach say, “I feel like I'm not enough.”

“I'm not enough to be loved.”

“I'm not enough for a man to remain interested in me.”

“I’m not pretty enough.”

“Not interesting enough.”

“I’m not enough” comes in many forms. But ultimately, it’s rooted in the belief that “I am not enough to get the love I want.”

There are a couple results of this belief that can affect your love life and a couple responses that you want to avoid. 

The first is that you might shut your heart down because you think, “Well, if I'm not enough, then why engage in relationship?”

Makes sense, right?

Who wants to sign up for what they feel like could be rejection? To protect yourself, you may shut your heart down and decide that you don’t care about a relationship, you don’t need one, or that you don't really want a man in your life. 

It's tragic to deny your true desires due to believing a lie. There’s a better way.

The second thing that can happen when you believe, “I am not enough” is that you may allow men into your life that you shouldn’t.

For example, imagine that you meet a man and you start to date him. After becoming exclusive, you discover he is verbally abusive.

But, because you believe, “I am not enough” you may fail to place the responsibility back on him for his behavior. Instead, you may take the blame for abuse by believing that if you were just nicer, or more attractive, or kinder, that he would love you and be kind. 

If you could just be enough.

When you believe you are not enough, it becomes all about you and needing to improve and be better to get the love you want. So, you may take the blame for a man's lack of care, consideration, love, or kindness. 

On top of that, something else can happen to perpetuate the lie that you are not enough. You may think, “See? It’s exactly like I thought. I am not enough." 

The truth is that this has more to do with boundaries than not being worthy of love.

There are good men out there, but to find those men, you need to agree that you are enough, and then sort through the men who would be good to you and the men who wouldn’t.

You are enough.

Here are a few ways to look it this topic that I hope help.

• First, every person who has been created is uniquely special. Because you are unique, you're a gift. Because you are a gift, you have been created to be enough.
• Next, not every man will appreciate you. In fact, many won’t, but there will be man who will appreciate you. If a man doesn’t appreciate you or treat you like you are not enough doesn’t mean you aren’t enough, which leads me to my next point.
• If a man does not appreciate you, or value you and believe you are enough, it's about his perspective, not your value. The appreciation or care or love that a man shows you is about him. 
  
  Think about it this way: Is it possible for another person to make you love them? Absolutely not. Love is truly in the eyes of the beholder---and how a man treats you is about what is going on in his internal world.
  
  Granted, there needs to be give and take in a relationship and you want to treat the men you date with kindness and care, just like you would desire. But ultimately, the love someone gives is about them. 

I hope these things have been helpful—and I hope these 4 Things You Can Do to Improve Your Love Life in 2020 have been encouraging.

GREAT NEWS!

Because I know that February can be discouraging for many singles (It was for me at times before I married), I want to provide some free coaching for you.

This means you can show up with your questions, your most pressing dating and relationship questions, and I will answer them for you.

There are only a few of these coaching sessions, and space is limited, so please sign up to attend now. I’ve included a link below so you can choose a time that works for you.

I look forward to seeing you soon!

Want to watch or read the rest of this series? Check out Part 1 
Part 2 
Part 3