3 Types of Men--and the 1 Type--You Should Definitely Date

 From coaching women, I often find that there are three types of men that come across their paths. (All three of these types of men were a part of my dating journey.)

It can get confusing about which one of these types you should go out with--or date-so today I am going to demystify this topic and show you who which type of man is the kind of guy that makes a great mate.

3 TYPES OF MEN

Mr. High Physical Attraction

The first type of man is the man you are immediately attracted to. There's chemistry between the two of you. Sparks are flying and when you go home, you call your girlfriend, "Oh my gosh, this guy was so awesome and you can't wait to see him again." I call this man, "Mr. High Physical Attraction."

Mr. Comfortable

The 2nd type of man is the type that you feel comfortable with. He's the man that you're thinking could be a really great friend. You feel comfortable around him. You feel emotionally and physically safe around him. He respects your boundaries. You can talk to him, and you like him as a person. He may even make you laugh.

Mr. Uninteresting

The 3rd type of man is the kind that you find uninteresting. I'll call him, "Mr. Uninteresting." (He would be interesting to another woman, but the two of you just don't click.) You really don't enjoy talking to him or being around him. There isn't an emotional, intellectual, spiritual, or physical connection. In short, there isn't a spark, and there is no physical attraction.

What our society has taught us is to definitely go for Mr. High Physical Attraction because when we feel that chemistry, we assign to meaning to it. And that meaning is, "High physical attraction means a great relationship." We think that it would make for a great relationship.

But what we forget is that chemistry, compatibility, and friendship are different things. 

So just because you have like great chemistry with a man and are highly physically attracted to him doesn't mean it will turn into a great relationship. Don't be duped. 

Because, what you also need is compatibility and friendship--and friendship is the best foundation for a great romance. 

Mr. Comfortable is the kind of guy who, if you were married to him and he's your friend, would comfort you when you wake up in the middle of the night and you're sad. When you're sick, he would take care of you. When you're upset, he will listen to you.

Friendship is the foundation for a great relationship.

Just because you have great chemistry and physical attraction with Mr. High Physical Attraction, don't assume that is naturally the sign of a solid relationship or that it will be a solid relationship in the future. 

So who's the man  you should date or go out with? It's the one you feel comfortable with, the one you enjoy talking to, the one you feel safe with, and who makes you laugh. This kind of relationship has the foundation for great romance. 

Sometimes women ask me, "Shana, what about chemistry? Don't I have to be physically attracted to the guy?" Sure. There needs to be some physical attraction. But you don't need to be blown away by the guy. The movies have taught us that great relationships are only great if there is a high level of sexual attraction--which is completely untrue. 

So, while we're looking at the guy who we have all this great chemistry with, we may be ruling out some men who would make really, really great mates.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't date the man you have great physical chemistry with, but listen to this . . . this is really important to remember:

Studies show that high-attraction phase in a relationship only last steps up to three years. The high level of passion and attraction that you may feel at the beginning of a relationship has an expiration date. 

So what that means is the guy that you have the great chemistry with and the guy that you are a great friend with are going to end up at the same place in the relationship. 

With both types of men, it's going to boil down to friendship: respect, care, kindness and all the good, solid stuff that makes up for a great, long-lasting relationship. If you talk to people who've been married for a long time, they'll tell you that what's carried them the furthest is that they have a friendship.

I'm not saying not to date Mr. High Physical Attraction, but again, don't assume that it's the basis for a great relationship, or believe that it's the indicator of a long-lasting or good relationship. 

And, also don't rule out Mr. Comfortable. Sure, there needs to be chemistry, but you don't have to be blown away.

The dream you have to love--and be loved--is possible. 

Your dating and relationship coach, 

Shana